Warning: uncensored thoughts being unleashed below.
I’d like to show other mums that it’s not strange to feel threatened or angered by ‘well meaning’ advice givers. Here are some examples of advice I’ve been given or heard others given and what I was thinking in my mind. (I was polite at the time & nodded but inside I was fuming).
– I know it will but right now I cant f**king handle it!
Maybe he’s unsettled because you had a stressful job when pregnant.
– Maybe you’re so ugly because your mum drank ginger beer while she was pregnant.
Sleep when the baby sleeps.
– Shall I cook and clean when the baby does too?
Oh she doesn’t sleep. Are you breastfeeding?
– Do you wipe from front to back or back to front?
You just need a rest
– You just need to f**k off.
You should be happy, you’ve got a baby.
– I cannot comprehend what happy means right now. If you want happy look after my baby for a while please.
It was harder back in my day.
– You are not me and you don’t know what the f**k I’m going through inside right now.
She’ll sleep through one day.
– But what about now, when I’m so tired I can’t work out how to open a f**king jar!
You’ll know what your baby needs, it’s a mother’s instinct.
– Sorry they didn’t give me the mindreading brain transplant after birth. How did I miss that?
Do you think you’ll have another one?
– Seriously, are you f**king serious. Give me a break, I’m still in shock from the birth.
I wanted to write this to illustrate two points:
1. Think before you speak.
2. It’s normal to feel angry when someone passes a thoughtless comment or judgement.
It could be an idea to write down how you felt you would have liked to have responded (maybe not publicly like above) and then destroy it. Or if you fancy, leave a comment below and get something off your chest here (without mentioning any names).
I feel that if you keep hold of your angry thoughts then your holding onto alot of angry energy. You don’t want that… write it down, let it go.
Good luck, there are some thoughtless f**kers out there.
5 thoughts on “A few words back to that advice you’d rather not have got”
This post has definitely made me think more carefully about what I say to other mothers. I’m currently in my first pregnancy. Is there a list of things that ARE good to say? My best friend had her first baby last July and she’s doing an incredible job! She has had some rough times and some low points, and all I know to say to her is that I think she’s amazing. She’s doing all she can for her daughter and that’s something to be admired – she’s doing all the right things. Sometimes babies just cry. Sometimes they just don’t sleep. And it’s not her fault. And then I usually offer to cook her some food!
I know everyone is different, and I’m sure I’ll know myself in a few months time what is useful advice and what’s just infuriating… LPMx
Thanks for your comment. I guess everyone’s different but from my point of view I’d like to hear: “You are doing an awesome job.” and “Be kind to yourself.” It sounds like you’re being a great friend – food is always welcomed! I’ve written this post from the point of view of someone with Postnatal Depression – I guess that can make people more vunerable to the words of others. There are already terrible thoughts going around in our heads, without others adding extra stress. I guess the best advice is to be compassionate and kind to new mummas. Good luck with your little one xx
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Couldn’t agree more. I have had my fair share of ‘well-meaning’ advice. I have been very polite but inside I have been screaming! Everyone is different, what works for one doesn’t nessecarily work for another. The problem is I tend to dwell on it afterwards, and then think of all the wonderful responses I could have given.
I would much prefer positive statements, that would be much more beneficial 🙂 x
Great post, I hate people who give advice you haven’t asked for, especially when it’s a complete stranger! I love the response about the ginger beer 🙂
Thanks for linking up to #effitfriday
Thanks for reading 🙂