After talking with my family and making a call to Mothersafe I decided that starting anti-depressant medication was the best course of action for me. I knew that in order to get the most out of the talking therapy I needed to be as stable as possible.

I was initially started on a very low dose. My GP told me things could possibly get worse before I got any benefits and it could take up to 8 weeks for the medication to take full effect.

I found the first 2 weeks were terrible. I was continually nauseous and felt like I was living in a complete cloud. I wasn’t able to function and had zero appetite. My anxiety was getting to an all-time high. I constantly had pins and needles in my hands and felt like I couldn’t work up the courage to do anything outside of the house.

After the first 2 weeks, I found that things started to settle down to the same level as before I started the medication. My GP was brilliant and made sure I went to visit her on a weekly basis so she could monitor my symptoms. She slowly increased my dosage.

It was after another couple of weeks that things started to go downhill. I found that after an appointment with my psychologist I got to an all-time low and just wasn’t coping.

At this point I’d been on the medication for 4 weeks. I was so confused I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I was unsure if it was the medication or the topics I had brought up with my psychologist that had triggered this low.

I began having terrible thoughts that were taking over. My symptoms were really starting to scare me. I felt I was totally loosing touch with reality. My GP and psychologist were both getting worried about me.

There were discussions of me going to hospital and this petrified me. My psychologist told me about St John of God in Burwood that specialise in Perinatal Depression. Thankfully after talking through the options I was able to stay at home and see a psychiatrist as an outpatient. I feel extremely lucky to have such great support at home that made this possible.

By the time I had my first appointment with the psychiatrist, my symptoms had started to subside and I could see the light at the end of all this darkness. She was happy with how my GP was handling my medication and would monitor me every few weeks.

I now feel at a point that the medication is helping me stay stable. I’m feeling more positive during the good times and starting to make progress to where I want to be (this blog is proof of that). There are still bad times but I’m finding I have more clarity during these and they are not lasting as long.

Onwards and upwards.